Weighing Heavily
by WonderPickle
Summary: "You feel guilty-for no good reason I might add-about something you didn't have the power to control. You weren't even aware of being sucked into the Dineen O'Brien black hole, how do you expect you could've changed it?" Quintis post 4x04 one-shot.


Happy shifted her eyes from Toby to the road ahead of her. Her hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, knuckles white. Exhaling heavily, her chest puffed. "I'm sorry."

Instantly, confused, he asked, "Darling, why are you sorry?"

"I was drawn to the Dineen clan these last few weeks." She peered at him for a brief second, struggling to put her thoughts into words. "And I... _neglected_ you. Even though we just got married."

" _Happy_. You know I completely understand why. It's _okay_."

"No." She shook her head. "It's _not_ okay. It wasn't _okay_ for me to do that."

"You were hurt so badly in your childhood, I don't mind you getting the soothing you deserve. I'm glad." He raised an eyebrow. "Besides, it led us to the conclusion that we get to be as close as possible when we get home."

"Toby, you're not listening."

"Sweetheart, I am," Toby told her, "You feel guilty-for no good reason I might add-about something you didn't have the power to control. You weren't even _aware_ of being sucked into the Dineen O'Brien black hole, how do you expect you could've _changed_ it?"

"But I slipped away from you," she replied, frustrated. "You're my husband, it's not supposed to be like that."

"There doesn't have to be any specific way we should be."

She furrowed her eyebrows. " _Toby_. Like Rizzo said, you can't put me on a pedestal."

"I'm _not_. I'm telling the truth."

She clenched her fingers harder around the wheel. "Why can't you accept my apology? What else can I do besides tell you I'm sorry?"

"You can forgive _yourself_ ," he answered, giving a smile only he could. "Happy, I'm not mad."

"How the hell can you not be mad?"

"Because, if that's what it took for you to realize you want a baby, then I'm thankful it happened."

"If you spent the first few weeks of our marriage hanging around-well-not _me_ , I'd be pissed," Happy mumbled. She shook her head. "I don't get it."

Pursing his lips, Toby paused, carefully considering how to respond. "You and I are different people, love. A unit, yes, but different people. I didn't experience the same childhood you did. That gives us different perspectives. It's not wrong-it's just how we are." He touched her shoulder. "Hap, don't chew on potential possibilities."

"Exactly. It's a possibility because it _didn't_ happen-you wouldn't have done that."

As an attempt at comfort, he squeezed her shoulder. "Sweetheart-"

"No, no," she shifted her neck, moving away from his touch. "Toby, don't get all forgiving and mushy."

"I'm not-"

"Yeah, you are. Just-just listen to me, okay?" She stared a the long stretch of dark road, avoiding his line of sight. "I'm _sorry_. I messed up. I shouldn't have let the Dineen magnet reel me in. Whatever's up with my subconscious-it doesn't give me the right to leave you in the dust. The whole reason we got married is because we want to spend our time together."

"I get it. I do. You're absorbing a lot of guilt today. And you have a lot of emotions that you're struggling to juggle."

She shook her head as he continued to fail at grasping her meaning. "Can you honestly tell me you weren't bothered at _all_ these last few weeks?"

Leaning back into the seat, he sighed, giving in. "No. I can't."

"Doc, you don't have to lie to protect my feelings."

"I understood-and _understand_ -why you did what you did. From a professional standpoint, no, I'm not mad at all. But honestly, from a husband's, I'm not either. _You_ are more important to me. There wasn't a real _reason_ to get angry. I was just a little jealous because I missed you."

Removing her right hand from the steering wheel, she plucked his off her shoulder. "From now on it's just gonna be us."

"Not unless our plans for tonight succeed."

She grinned. "Touché." He matched her expression. Though her eyes flicked to their entwined hands, prompting her lips to fall and she swallowed the smile. "Toby...you know _you're_ the person that makes me happy. They would never measure up to that. Not by a longshot."

"I know." He rubbed soft circles around her fingers. "By the looks of it, they're your typical, conventional family, which is what you always wanted growing up. We just haven't gotten there yet. That's what your subconscious was craving. I know that you love me, I know that you want a family with me, okay? You just needed to experience what that was like before you realized it."

Swallowing, she nodded.

The car slowed to a halt as they approached a stop sign. Toby untangled his fingers, putting his whole hand on the back of her head. He planted his lips underneath her hairline.

"I love you."


End file.
